Before I share this life and leadership changing tip, I first want to make sure that we all have a clear understanding of what “practice” is, at least according to most experts in the behavioral change and breakthrough delivery business.

If I was to ask you, how did you learn how to ride a bicycle, what would you say? Go ahead, say it out loud. {PAUSE}

Most respond to this question by saying, “I had training wheels” or, “my parents helped me” or, “I fell off and got back on again” or, something similar. And, while none of these are wrong, there is a better answer.

You got on it every day!

If you had attempted to ride your bicycle once a month odds are you would have never actually broken through. Further, if you had tried once every other week or even once a week, you still would likely have never broken through.

The important lesson here therefore, is that practice is every day! Anything other than every day is what I call dabbling, and dabbling typically doesn’t change behavior and create breakthrough. It is every day practice that changes behavior and creates those life changing, long sought after breakthroughs.

And, speaking of breakthrough, there are 3 main areas in which they occur. The two kinds that most people experience, if at all are:

Breakthroughs In Your Work or Profession (remuneration centered breakthrough) – if you are an accountant, lawyer, tech code writer, woodworker, etc. you must practice your craft while working in it to improve.

Breakthroughs In Your Personal Passions (pleasure centered breakthrough) – playing golf, sailing, fitness, cooking, gardening, painting, etc.

The all important third breakthrough area however, the one that delivers the greatest impact are those related to the practice of better BEING.

Practices that challenge your mindset, your story, your limiting beliefs, your minute to minute routines and habitual decisions, even practices in how you see things. It is specifically these kind of daily practices that “help turn ordinary leaders into extraordinary ones”.

Let’s say for example you begin practicing how you wish to be seen – how you want others to see you. Imagine now walking into work every day with a crystal clear understanding of how you wish to be seen and you create that intention all throughout your day – in every conversation, in every meeting, in every email.

Now, let’s pretend you are the type of manager, leader or person that wishes to be seen as a great listener or, someone who really really cares (has empathy), or perhaps someone who is tough when they have to be but, always honest and fair.

Don’t you think if you practiced this intention every day, the chances of you being seen this way are far greater than if you had no intention and didn’t practice it at all? Of course it is!

Now, here is the larger leap forward, imagine you practice this to the point it becomes a habit and that habit becomes a part of you. Because you are a great leader, you then add another better “being” practice, and then another.

This is what truly great leaders do folks. They not only practice how they wish to be seen through this thing called the power of intention, they are always adding new, better “being” practices which over time designs an intentional desired collective reality!

While I have had the incredible privilege to know and work with a handful of government leaders as well as a few billionaires let me be clear, it was an incredible privilege NOT because of the wealth and power these individuals have amassed but the deep wisdom and lessons learned they over time have injected into me.

As I am sure many of you likely have heard, with enormous power comes enormous responsibility. Think of a life filled with endless important, big, stressful decisions. Decisions that could not only negatively impact you and the people you care about, but also the lives of hundreds of thousands, even millions. This daily pressure and the magnitude of difficult challenges many of these people face I believe, we the masses, truly don’t fully comprehend.

And while I suppose we can put those challenges into a category I will call “good problems” (the kind of problems supposedly many would like to have) let me share with you this… they are problems all the same and require a special someone to lead in the “right way” to solve them. That “right way”, as I have come to learn from my relationship with these people, is much more of a daily regimented practice in Being than Doing.

Let’s look at perhaps one the very best who understood this and practiced what I call better being daily! Marcus Aurelius – Caesar of Rome – commonly practiced BEING a better person and developed many techniques to be that better leader, better person. Here’s a practice all you leaders might want to incorporate into your daily regimen.

In a volume entitled “Meditations” Marcus Aurelius wrote, “When force of circumstance upsets your equanimity, lose no time in recovering your self-control and do not remain out of tune longer than you can help. Habitual recurrence to harmony will increase your mastery of it.”

In other words people, leaders in positions of enormous power and authority are humans too. They endure difficult day after difficult day – deal with fires, conflict and perhaps the most difficult of all… lose lose situations. As human beings these leaders, just like anyone, feel immense stress, anger and frustration.

However, truly great leaders know how to quickly get themselves emotionally back to an empowered state of mind and presence faster than most. Why? They have to! People want to be inspired by their leaders.

We want them to be the example for us all in how to act and react in the most difficult of circumstances.

Now that I have created this awareness in you, I invite you to practice this daily with yourself. (Marcus Aurelius called it the “Equanimity Game”)

The next time something difficult, frustrating or even terrible happens in your day… PAUSE. Be aware. Tell yourself that the best leaders, the most successful people in life get back to center faster.

They realize that it is in “center” or in the place of equanimity where you make better decisions. It is there where people appreciate you the most, respect you the most and will do the most for you. It is when you are beautifully centered where people find and FEEL your spark. Your special gift.

So again, practice this. Pause. Take a slow deep breath in. A long breath out. (In on 4, out on 6)

Again, in on 4 and out on 6. 

This time (during this second inhale and exhale) shift in your mind from negative expectation to positive. Imagine that a solution will appear. After all, it usually does. Feel that excitement.

Now a third time… in on 4, out on 6.

This time imagine the best possible outcome… that out of this challenge or problem, a valuable lesson will be learned that will propel you from where you are right now, to something better.

And, speaking of something better… If you can muster up the discipline to practice “being” better daily, I promise you, you and everything around you will be better for it.

I have no statistical evidence to support the claim made in the title of this article however, I also know that there has never been a study conducted that can refute it. And, the reason why there has never been such a study that neither can support or oppose my claim is because there is no definition of what good or even great leadership is.

The fact remains, that each and every person possesses their own explanation, has their own definition of what great leadership is. And, as we all have seen, lack of consensus, clarity and definition on something as important as leadership ultimately leads to organizational conflict, division, fragmentation, chaos or even worse… dissolution. I mean, look at how we view our own country’s leaders! We as a nation (in the United States) could not be more divided on what we think great leadership is and means.

So now, let’s unpack this a bit further and take a closer look at what is really happening here and how this relates to organizational leadership and culture.

How each of us sees great leadership, at it’s core, is based on each of our personal values and belief systems. And, those values and belief systems are almost entirely based on each of our own personal stories. Some of us have stories that are still to this day dominated by stowed away stories of pain, loneliness, mistrust, suffering, rejection, violence, hatred, frustration or the overcoming of such – something commonly referred to as victimhood. Conversely, other personal stories are more elevated, focused on peace, love, trust, appreciation, kindness, empathy, forgiveness or the pivot and focus toward such. This I call the empowered or servant heart and mind.

It is in these varied stories… stories of violence, hope, rejection and love that shape how we view ourselves in our world, how we interact and how we see others in relation to ourselves… and yes, how we see leaders.

Our managers, bosses, the people whom we report to are human beings, human beings who bring with them values formed by their own personal stories. And, most of these managers, bosses, owners, leaders develop established habits and behaviors that consciously or subconsciously allow for their stories to manifest in how they achieve success. This brings me to the real reason why great leadership is next to impossible to define and why 90% of all leaders are actually not. They are just people in positions of authority.

If we were to solely base great leadership on outcome then, the movement toward some clear definition would be achievable. The truth is however, great leadership also must account for the journey… how great leaders got there, achieved the incredible success they did.

To highlight the importance of this and why this is true, look no further than Attila the Hun and Mahatma Ghandi. Attila The Hun destroyed everything and everyone in his wake. Hundreds of thousands perished in his ascension. Yet, Mahatma Ghandi harmed not a thing nor a single person. Two extremely opposite approaches on the path toward a successful outcome; one who conquered almost all of central and eastern Europe through fear, intimidation and violence and the other, who liberated a nation through peace, love and empathy. Therefore, how we define what a great leader is, must account for more than just the end result. It must also include their approach in every step along the way in getting there.

Considering that most people haven’t sufficiently and effectively reconciled their past hurt, pain, and their stories, most of the journeys that leaders take us on are often uninspiring, disempowered, more self serving and in parts, sometimes based on their own victimhood.

The good news here is this, more and more leaders are hiring coaches… people to help them see how they are bringing their past into their present decision making. These coaches are helping leaders become better or even the best versions of themselves. And, the better, more aligned and inspiring the leader, the better, more aligned and inspired the culture.